literature

Storm the Castle

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Literature Text

  “Lovely…”
He sighed wearily as he watched landscape of coins and pillars shining in the light of a thousand torches.


  Gilean was in a lousy mood. Springtime always had him tired from everything that went on when it came. At home, spring was the time to train harder than ever for summer competitions, and at Armonia spring meant getting back into the routine from winter holidays. Even though it had been several months since the semester had started, the weariness hung around through all of the things happening on the island. Hence, Gilean had been absent from all of the events that had happened, and focused on school. Being away from the action and fun however had made him restless, which had put him in a irritable mood. He felt overall disappointed with his accomplishments on the Faraway Island. He hadn’t been able to make any friends save that Duosion guy, and his grades didn’t look too well since he felt too weary to give them his all. It all created a downwards spiral of fatigue and regret.

  So when the castle was snatched into another dimension by the Hoopa known as Stryker something snapped inside Gilean. If something wasn’t done, the whole school and everyone with it would be stuck here forever. For the first time in months, Gilean felt a spark of fighting spirit. He would not sit idly and let the others deal with this! He snuck up close to a group of students eagerly discussing something. What did they say? Legendaries? Consumed by shadows? As they left, Gilean thought about what this could mean. “Can this Stryker corrupt others, or have they been captured like us and simply been driven out of their minds in here?” He knew many stories about pokémon who had fallen into the shadows. Some had been manipulated, others had lost all hope and trust. There were even a story about a legendary who could enforce the shadow on another with a signature move twisted by shadows. One thing all stories and myths agreed on: Shadow pokémon were tough.

  However, if they did not overcome these shadow legends, returning home would be improbable it seemed. Why else would everyone be in such a hurry to fight them? Gilean felt his fighting spirit burning fiercer by the minute. “I haven’t had a proper battle in a long time… Finally...” A restlessness filled him, and before he knew it he had started rushing down the hallway, determined to find and battle anyone consumed by shadows. He did not care for his own health, all he cared for was to get into the fervor of battle and fight for his school. If they lost, he would be stuck in here anyways.

  From behind a huge mound of coins, he could see moves bursting through the air far off in the distance. He swiftly dashed up the slope of various currency to reach the battle on the other side, but suddenly he lost his footing as the pile started moving. From it, a huge compound of coins forming a Regirock burst from it. Surrounding it was an aura of darkness, identifying it as a shadow. “Shoot, it’s huge!” Gilean thought as the contraption loomed before him. The Regirock let loose a blast shadowy flames, aiming straight for Gilean. Acting on instinct, Gilean called forth a freezing gust in an attempt to divert the attack. Oddly, the flame faded when it was faced with the Blizzard which went on to hit the Regirock. The coin golem did not seem to even notice the move though, in fact it appeared to be completely unaffected! Gilean drew two conclusions from this: that normal type logic was irrelevant when fighting shadows, and that they were immune to anything that was not a weakness. “Only one thing to do then...” He now knew that it was immune to ice, but he had several elements at his disposal. All he had to do was to cycle through them until something worked.

  “Alrighty then you big clump of spare change, let’s see if this fazes you!” Gilean shouted as he fired off a barrage of Mystical Leaves to see if it still had its natural weakness. As the leaves clashed against the giant, a metallic creak of agony sounded from the Regirock. “Found one, did I?” he said, a faint grin spreading on his face. Next he fired off a Will-O-Wisp, which the golem paid no attention to. Having fired off what projectile moves he had, Gilean dashed ahead attempting to hit with a Thunder Punch. This, however, would prove to be harder done than said as the golem suddenly let loose bolts of shadow forcing him to dodge and retreat. Now the whole construct surrounded itself with shadows and rushed straight at Gilean. An idea flashed through his head, and as the Regirock was about to strike him he used Teleport, blinking to the shoulder of the giant. “Gotcha!” Gilean exclaimed as he jabbed the golem from above with a full-force Thunder Punch. Again, the screeching of metal cut through the air as it staggered slightly. He kept striking the construct, and it seemed to grow weaker. Then suddenly a shudder went through it and it seemed to regain control. It emitted a draining shadow, and Gilean felt his energy starting to slip away. Getting ahold of himself, he took a leap to a nearby pillar and slipped down it. When he looked at the Regirock, he realized that even though he had went full out it had only taken a small amount of damage. He could hit the darned thing all day long, and the night too, but it would be too durable.

  Realizing that he could not defeat the giant, he frantically tried to think of what he should do now. He looked at his surroundings, but all he could see was coins and pillars. Wait. No! There were one more thing! The other fight he had seen off in the distance. It seemed like some other students had encountered a shadow Raikou contraption of coins just like the Regirock. Maybe he could… It was a risky and reckless plan, but Gilean decided it was worth a try. He sprinted around the Regirock, so he stood between it and the other fight. Then he sent a flurry of Magical Leaves at the giant, hoping to provoke it further. Once more, a metallic screeching of pain went through the hallway. The contraption then raised its arms and pointed them towards Gilean. The floor started to rumble and shake, as huge shadowy spikes shot through the floor at him, and it was just barely that he managed to dodge them, one after one. As the attack carried on, he started to see a pattern in the attack and was soon able to predict where and when the next spike would burst out. He started skipping around, taunting the coin golem trying to agitate it. His success was confirmed when another creak of metal burst from the Regirock, however this time instead of pain it shuddered with frustration. “Good, now come at me” Gilean whispered to himself as he started running towards the other fight.

  The giant started sliding after him, engulfing itself in a flickering shadow as it accelerated. Gilean ran faster and faster with and the Regirock charged after him preparing its fatal Shadow End attack. It did not seem to notice that they were rapidly approaching one of its fellow fighting guardians. As the closed the gap, the golem gave off a burst, showing its charge had reached maximum power. This was Gilean’s cue to put the final part of his plan in action. He turned around and halted, waiting for the golem’s headlong charge to almost reach him. When it was just seconds away from connecting, Gilean once again Teleported on to the golem, this time right behind what could be described as its head. “Take this!” Gilean cried out as he threw one final Thunder Punch with all of his might right on top of the Regirock. This caused the contraption to stumble, and it crashed straight into the Raikou!

  The collision sent Gilean flying, as he was too exhausted to use Teleport again. As he fell he felt someone catching him with a telekinetic force saving him from a rough landing. Gilean looked back at the two coin giants, and got a sinking feeling in his stomach. The had both risen up again! But after looking for a while, he realized that they both looked weary. His plan had helped after all! Sure, there were two giants now, but they were both weakened. The rumours about shadow moves being typeless appeared to be true after all, meaning they went through the shadows' immunity, as the Raikou had been hurt by the Shadow End and the Regirock was worn from the recoil. Confident that the others could handle the two giants, Gilean felt his consciousness slip away as he fainted from exhaustion.
Now I know most people don't like to read written things, especially not if they're this long. But reading this meant you probably read at least a bit of the story.
I'd like for anyone who read this to leave their opinions on both the writing and the story itself, because I really want to improve as a writer.
And be as nitpicky as you can be, I want to know into detail that bothers you and what you like with it.
© 2016 - 2024 luccario8
Comments4
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PhineasJamesVinci's avatar
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Vision
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Originality
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Impact

Phineas James Vinci at your service! I mainly write short stories and also review what people hand me now and then. I was scrolling through the critique list and stumbled my way into your work. Since you ask for a critique, I'll give one. <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="15" height="15" alt=":)" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="391" title=":) (Smile)"/>

So I read through this whole thing, and it does have some problems. The English is faulty at places, and I had to reread what was written. (I noticed you were from Sweden, so I did not judge too harshly on the English.) Also, it does feel wordy in places, and I feel like I am missing the content of the story at times, because I have to stop reading and double back on a word to make sure I got the sentence right. Lastly, at the part where the story read "So when the castle was snatched into another dimension by the Hoopa..." I could literally feel the story squirming out of my line of sight, and running away as fast as it could. Like, how? What? I was in the spring time with Gilean and then all of a sudden were at this castle in another dimension with a Hoopa person? XD you know?

But the story is good in other areas to. I have played a lot of Pokémon in my past, and I knew that your facts about them were correct. To be honest, I scanned through your profile before I read this story, to see if you were worth the review. I knew, after seeing all of the Pokémon stuff, that I was in for a fan fiction lol! Also, I loved the character Giliean, and how he was able to plan out an attack and follow through with it.

I will not do this without your permission, but if you want I could give another look through the work and help to fix the wordy text and the improper English in this paper. I leave that decision to you though, since this is your work and you have the final say when it comes to this. <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="15" height="15" alt=":)" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="391" title=":) (Smile)"/>

I hope that my review was helpful to you and your writing career. I know that any critique, no matter how pleasing or damning to the eye, can help a writer a lot when it comes to a written work, and I hope that my critique here has helped you just as much as past critiques have helped me in the past. Keep writing, and keep working hard, and I hope you have a good day Luccario8! <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="15" height="15" alt=":D" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="366" title=":D (Big Grin)"/>